HOUSTON – Earlier today in a press conference outside of their Spring Training facility in Palm Spring, Florida, the Houston Astros front office revealed the design of the team’s 2020 alternate jerseys to a room of select local and national reporters.
“Today marks a new and exciting chapter in the long and storied history of the Houston Astros,” remarked Jim Crane, the team’s owner. “Much like in the world of business, it’s important to set yourself apart from the competition, and if you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you play good,” he said, beginning to ramble. “We feel strongly that this new spin on the traditional Astros look will both keep our players safe and resonate with our younger fans. We hope to see Astros fans young and old sporting these this season in ballparks across America.”
When asked what inspired the new look, Crane cited that chrome colored helmets and uniforms have been “in-style for years now” in the college game, and that the club wanted to pay homage to the “rich history manufacturing” in Houston, clearly confusing it with somewhere else.
Later, Crane was asked to elaborate on the player safety comment he mentioned earlier.
“Look, it’s no secret that our guys have been getting pitched inside quite a bit this Spring, so we just want to be sure we take every precaution we can in protecting our players when they take the field.” When pressed on whether or not he thinks it has anything to do with the sign stealing scandal that came to light this offseason, he fired back, “Look, I thought I made this clear a month ago, but the whole incident had no, but also a huge, impact on the games. I’m not going to comment any further on the situation.”
Tension built in the room, so I tried to relieve it somewhat jokingly asking, “won’t these uniforms serve as just a different apparatus to bang on? I mean, suits of armor are essentially elegant trash cans.” To which he shot back, “Suits of armor? How are these suits? There’s no tie on these!”
Second String 