CLEVELAND, Ohio – Tony Grossi was suspended indefinitely today after making disparaging remarks about Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield. Going into a break during his radio show with Tony Rizzo, Grossi was griping near a microphone he assumed was off about the quarterbacks the Browns have missed out on, and are now left with, “a fucking midget.”
Following the backlash and public criticism, Grossi released a statement apologizing for his remarks:
Elsewhere though, men 5’10” and under are lauding Grossi’s remarks.
“It’s huge for guys like us, no doubt,” said Kevin Bertuzzi, a 5’6″ pizza chef at a Domino’s in Cincinnati. “Growing up my height, you hear all the names: short-stuff, midget, little guy, etc. So to have someone so publicly label a 6’1″ starting quarterback like that is a massive win for our cause.”
“I mean if can happen to him, it can happen to anyone,” echoed Bobby McCarthy, a 5’4″ shoe counter clerk at a bowling alley just outside of Spokane, WA. “Out west, we’ve already heard stuff like this about Kyler Murray or my guy Russel Wilson, but their heights both start with a 5. To have a guy whose height starts with a 6, though? It’s a game changer, no doubt.”
“I’m mainly excited for the memes about guys under 6 foot tall being ‘just friends’ to stop” said Ryan Woods, donning a shirt he clearly cut the sleeves off of in between sets of 5 reps of 125 on the bench of a Planet Fitness in Peoria, IL. “I’m 5’8″, which is average,” he emphasized, “and my friends send me shit all the time on Instagram of dudes standing on stools to make-out with chicks with captions like, ‘tag a short king.’ It’s juvenile, and something I’ve only done like literally one time.”
The ramifications of Grossi’s comments remain uncertain – no one is sure if he’ll be reinstated, the same way we aren’t sure if the new benchmark for men to be deemed short will be raised to 6’1″. When asked if Woods would be changing the height in his Hinge profile, which currently reads 5’10”, to 6’1″, he hesitated.
“It’s tough to say right now – I think I could get away with it, no doubt, just need to add a couple lifts into the soles of my timbs,” he answered with a smirk. “Hey, can you spot me on this last set?”
He did 2.5 reps.
We’ll have more on this story as it develops in the coming weeks.
Second String 